and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
