sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you would pick up someone in the library
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
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Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
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I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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