I am puke
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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