remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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