"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
