I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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