we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
