I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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