a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
