I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
