Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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