"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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