you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
