last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
