I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
