I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
