the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
wow bdsm is so cute
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
