I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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