it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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