I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
