bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
