Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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