It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
