operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
