we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
