there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
