Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
