I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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