shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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