Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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