I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
