You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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