Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
