curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
