atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I could make wine with my vomit
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
