this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
