Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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