I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
