My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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