Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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