Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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