I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
