I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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