I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
