do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
