I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
