"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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