dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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