Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
