He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You have to summon your inner elephant
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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