Small penises have feelings too.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
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the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
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The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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