I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
