I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
