I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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