I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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