just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
