well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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