i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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