dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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