there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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