I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm determined to sit on that face.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
