His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
