Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
